If you’re a parent, chances are this is a word that invades your daily life.

Pressure to be the perfect parent and make all the right choices –

Did I choose the right career to be able to afford the perfect house that ensures my child will feel emotionally stable and make lifelong friends and puts them in the unicorn school district that ensures THEY can be successful and afford the perfect house and have perfect children and oh yeah also look really good in holiday cards? Did I give them enough emotional support today but also not too much so that I don’t suffocate them and stifle their independence? Is their lunch gluten free and organic? Did I remember to feed it to them?

And, there is also pressure to NOT feel guilty for any of the choices that we make –

Hey mama, don’t worry about screaming at your child in the middle of the grocery store for the fifth time this week and throwing away his favorite toy because he wouldn’t eat his vegetables and you’ve locked him in his room for the past two hours because he yelled at you and this has been going on for like a year. You’re doing great! Don’t feel bad about any of this, that’s just misogynists trying to keep you down. Give yourself some more “me” time and have some wine. 

I wholeheartedly reject both of these pressures. No one is perfect, you will make wrong choices. And even when you make the right choices, your behavior will not always reflect those choices. When you make a mistake, the temptation (at least mine) can be to crumble under said pressure, and throw in the towel at the failure to achieve absolute perfection (in the many ways in which that may be defined). 

Instead, I challenge myself and all parents out there to admit to our mistakes and own them. It’s not shameful to make a mistake, its a part of living your life. It’s also not shameful to ADMIT that you’ve made a mistake –  we are not and will never be perfect, in the eyes of ourselves or anyone else. Embrace your guilty feeling as a tool to help you to not make the same mistake again. Guilt does not have to be a societal construct, it can be your instincts talking to you. If we feel guilty because something we did has hurt someone we love, there’s nothing wrong with that. Yes, be confident and fearless against those who wish to shame you, goodness knows there’s plenty of them out there (ever been on the internet?)  But don’t let that cause you to ignore your inner voice. Because it knows what it’s talking about. Even if you might have to tell it to relax sometimes.